Do you know that today was the 4th time that someone has assumed that I was the mother of someone that was only about 5 years younger than me. What in the world, I swear that I don’t look like I’m old enough to be the mother of a 25 year old….hello I’m only 30. Today it was cold and rainy but we made the drive down to Greensboro, NC to get fitted for bridesmaid dresses for my brother’s wedding.
Normally this kind of event would have had me moping in the corner but I’ve gone down two dress sizes so I actually didn’t mind getting fitted at all. Am I where I want to be? No, I still have a ways to go but heck, two sizes smaller than last summer is enough to put a smile on my face and a bit of a bounce in my step.
Well after trying on a dress, that turned out to be too big for me and twirling around in front of a huge mirror in front of a bunch of people, we agreed on dresses, placed our orders and decided to head out and find lunch. I’ve been doing excellent on my low carb lifestyle that I’m trying to stick too right now so even though I’m regretting the carb overload now, we decided to have pizza and drove over to Mellow Mushroom in Burlington before we headed home.
So we’re moving some things on the table when our food gets to the table and I moved something for Meghan (my future sister-in-law) and the waitress without missing a beat says, “Oh look, mom had a good idea to move that there.” — Excuse me………….
I am NOT her MOTHER! Ok, well that’s what I screamed in my head but I just sat there and looked at her like she had grown another head. haha That’s when one of our friends piped up and said “She’s her Sister”. haha I just can’t haha. I swear, I don’t feel like I look old enough to be her mom.
That was the most recent time that someone thought I was her mother. When she got engaged to my brother I went with her and her dad to look at wedding venues. Well we were over at the raceway that my brother use to work at looking at some of their areas and taverns when the guy showing up around assumed that Meghan’s dad and I were a couple and she was our daughter!! What the heck, guys! I’m about to invest all of my money in anti-aging cream and hair dye. What’s happening here.
Meghan’s not the only one that I’ve been “accused of birthing” haha. My cousin, Crystal, is another one on the list. Twice someone has thought that she was my daughter, she’ll be 25 in November. A year or so ago we were in GUESS looking at some dressed and I was holding one of her girls and had the other one in the stroller while she was in the dressing room. She came out and I crinkled my nose at the dress she had one and the lady helping us said, “If mom doesn’t like that one we have plenty more to choose from!”
MOM? What?
Then, the weekend before last Crystal brought her three little girls down to meet me at the apartment for a few hours and we walked over to the Farmer’s Market. We’re walking through looking at everything and we stop because Layla (Crystal’s oldest, who’s 4) asked for a cupcake. I got my wallet out to buy her one and the lady asked me if all FOUR of them were MINE! So I looked old enough to have 4 kids ranging in ages 24 years old – less than a year. Let’s just say that I was ready to crawl into a hole. haha
Yet I’m stil getting carded at the bar and when I want to buy bourbon at the liquor store. 30 must just be an extra awkward year….I thought the awkward years ended with your teenage years.
Do you ever get mistaken for being way younger or way older than you are?
Does it feel weird to me because I’m only 5 years older than these girls? Does it bother me more because I don’t have kids of my own yet?
Does it bother me because it’s a constant reminder that I’m not a mother?
I’ve never been one of those people that gets antsy over their age but this year is becoming a bit of a pain in the self esteem department I’ve never been someone that was considered to look older than she was. This year though….geez. haha
I didn’t flinch when I turned 30 but something about turning 31 this year has my internal clock freaking out. It’s not because I’m worried about getting “old”.
This year has been an emotional roller coaster for me inside, this year as in my 30th year. I turned 30 last June and since then I’ve moved into a new place with my husband, lost some special people, learned to love myself more, working on improving myself and struggled internally with motherhood…..or I should say, the lack of.
We’ve chatted on the blog before about my battle with my weight and PCOS plus our lack of kids and while this is always going to be a food blog I’m not going to not share about what’s going on in our lives. I mean this is my blog after all. 😉
So 30 was my year, I made a pack with myself that 30 was my last year, if we couldn’t make kids happen on our own after the last day of my 30th year we would go in and start treatments. I can’t even begin to tell you where my emotions and thoughts are for this part of our lives. On one hand I can’t believe that I can’t even accomplish the most natural thing in the world (reproduction) while I’m mentally bashing myself for it and on the other hand I am at peace with this fact. My mind completely flip flops when it comes to this subject.
I suppose it’s because I don’t want to fully admit that I can’t do it on my own and I need medical help to hopefully one day maybe be a mom.
UGH! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THAT?
As silly as that sounds it’s one of the reasons that we haven’t done treatments yet. I can’t fully admit to myself that I can’t make it happen on my own.
Some days I just think that perhaps Thomas and I aren’t meant to have our own. Maybe something’s going to happen one day and we’re going to adopt. Maybe something will happen in the future that will make up for us not being able to have them on our own, right now anyways . I don’t know.
I know that we’ve got our niece and god-daughters. I know that I love them with all of my heart. I know that I can “borrow them” whenever I want. When I have them I go into total mom mode. I’ve given hugs and kisses. I’ve bought them cute outfits. I’ve kissed boo-boos and cuddled little ones with tummy aches. I’ve tucked them into bed and been there for middle of the night nightmares and cuddles. I’ve been there for choir nights and dance recitals. They’re the best, It’s the best.
But let me tell you something, between you and I….whenever I have them my heart is filled to the tip top with love and when they go home my heart breaks a little bit more because I’m reminded that they’re not even close to really being mine.
I am NOT their MOTHER but I’d like to be someone elses…………
Wow! One of the reasons I love your blog is your honesty, and this was right up there!
I generally get mistaken for being younger than I am, I’m turning 30 in November and people are generally surprised to hear that as they thought I was younger. Lately it’s been making me a bit concerned about my maturity – am I coming across so young and immature??
On the kids thing, I think it’s important for you to remember that if you do need treatment, you’re not the only woman that will have needed it! There are so many couples out there that have needed a bit of extra help to have kids, it doesn’t have any reflection on you guys. My mum wasn’t able to have kids initially, she had to have surgery to be able to conceive my older brother. It happens all the time!! Good luck with it all ☺️
And on your comment on it being a food blog – it is but if you never shared yourself it would be just like every other food blog! So keep sharing, we love it ☺️
Oh Angie, you are absolutely meant to be a mother and I don’t know when or how but I know it will happen for you <3
Additionally…that is beyond weird that people keep thinking you're the mother of 20-somethings….I don't understand people who make assumptions but also I can't wrap my head around how anyone thinks you look old enough to have kids of that age. People assume my brother is my bf/husband all the time (ew) or that my husband is my brother (one time someone did think he was my dad, which is hilarious since he's 3 years older than me) soooo….people are dumb. That's the moral of this story.
you just made your mother cry
love you, mom.
I love these honest posts from you. Keep them coming …. It’s you blog anyways ?.
And if they thought you were the mom to all 4 of us then they must think you’re the hottest mom alive! lol.
As for being a true mother…. You’re meant for it! And Thomas is meant to be a dad! And it WILL happen! In one way or another, it will happen!! I just know it!
I love you!
You have the biggest heart. I have no doubt that somehow, some way, you will be a mother. As far as people mistaking you for being the mother of a 25 great old?! That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You don’t even look thirty, let alone in your mid-40s. I honestly think that people are so bent on trying to be funny and make conversion that they just don’t pay attention to what’s right in front of them.
Oh Angie, people are so dumb. You look like you are 20! And definitely not old enough to have that old of a child.
I only started having kids when I was 31. I had problems having my third and people would say to me “well you already have two so you are blessed” I became obsessed with making this baby and let it take over my life. (My poor husband 🙂 ) I also was 36 when I finally had my 3rd child and people would say how old I was! Yes, I WAS blessed to have my two beautiful boys but in my heart I longed for another. Try to ignore the silly comments and focus on you. Be proud of your accomplishments and weight loss and feel good about yourself. Enjoy being married and whatever life brings you and whatever you decide, I wish you peace in your decision. I love your honesty and know that you are inspiring so many people out there! XO
Oh girl, I hope it happens the way you want it to happen, but there is no shame in going through with treatments. All that matters is that whenever and however God brings children into your life, that you love them. And I know you will!
All the tears, Angie. All the tears tonight. I’ve been in your shoes, crying as I hugged my nieces goodbye and praying with every breath that the fertility meds and treatments would finally be our miracle and that PCOS wouldn’t be my forever nightmare.
I am so proud to call you my friend. Your personal growth this year, your weight loss (that’s AWESOME!), your open heart, and your love of life are beautiful to see. You don’t even look 30! So, whatever idiots are assuming you are mom to your friends are truly just that.
There are many essential oils to help with fertility and PCOS if you are ever interested. Just message me sometime!
I’m 46. As a teen, I’d answer the phone at home and the caller would always say, “Matt?” Who was my 4 years younger than me brother. So when I was 16, I apparently sounded like an un-pubered 12 year old boy. sigh
And now, I have four boys, 17, 14, 12, and 9. Sometimes I answer the phone and the caller says, “May I speak to your mother please?” GRRR.
Hang in there.
One of my SILs was married for years, probably after 6-7-8?, they adopted a 5 year old boy after not being able to have their own, they tried and tried. (He’s 14 now). 7 years ago, she got pregnant! Their daughter just turned 7. Out of nowhere, just over a year ago, she had another daughter. You never know what special things are in store for you.
Hang in there.
<3
I’ve always been told that I sound younger than I am and I’ve always been told that I look younger than I am until this year haha. This year has been the year of being accused of being way older haha. I have people all the time that call the office and tell me that I don’t sound old enough to be out of highschool. hahaha
Ha.
Everyone tells me it was perfect that I married someone 5 years younger than me, saying I do not look my age. (Now we’re both old in our 40s–he finally got to those 40s with me.) 😉 Always fun to think about when I was 5 and in kindergarten, he was just born. When I graduated high school–he was 13! Now, it doesn’t really matter.
you definitely don’t look older than your age! i’m sorry you’re struggling. we had a hard time conceiving our first, but they came out like monkeys from a barrel after that. (okay, maybe not *that* easily). there’s no shame in being seen by a doctor and there are many ways to become a mother. I’m sure you’ll have a beautiful family before you know it <3
hahaha the mental picture I just got of a hospital delivery room and a barrel of monkeys was the best. 🙂 We’ll see how the dr. appts go after June. 🙂
Angie, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to help you kick the crud out of the insensitive jerk of the world! The best thing to do is to keep that adorable smile on your face and know that you are flipping gorgeous… outside AND inside.
Oh, and tat gorgeous heart of yours WILL be full of love for your own child some day… I don’t know how or when, but wow, will that child be blessed with an incredible mother. <3
<3 I'm not sure what it is. Maybe I just give off the "I'm a old lady mom" vibe hahaha
Angie, I know that I just signed up for your blog. But in one sense of the word, I know what it is like to be asked or told that you are someone’s mother. My best friend and I have decided to live together, because we are both widows. When we meet new people they ask if I am her mother….I am turning 60 this year and she is 62. You will be in my prayers, that the Lord gives you and your husband a chance to be REAL PARENTS. I am a great grandmother and have custody of my first great granddaughter that is 7. But my friend that I am living with was not blessed with children of her own either. So, I realize the agonizing looks and some of the feelings you are going through, by watching her with my children. Reading your blog, you have not stated whether or not you or your husband has been medically checked, but if it turns out that one of you can not have children, there are many women out there that are pregnant and do NOT want that blessing. May God be with you and your husband.
Hi Carolyn! We have not been tested yet for that, but this is my last year of trying on our own. I’ve been tested for other things pertaining too it though. After my 31st birthday in June if we’re unable to do it on our own by then I will be setting up appointments. Thank you so much for writing. <3 I know that your friend probably loves your children and grandchildren so much but I understand the emptiness that is right along side of the love for them. We have looked into adoption a bit. It seems that most are so expensive. We had high hopes of a local adoption in the past but the mother changed her mind.
People can be rude. I usually get younger and my husband much older, but I’m actually older than him. Don’t get too stressed! I had a huge issue with treatments too. But after I decided I wouldn’t let anyone push me into ivf, or iui, and just do the stuff to do ovulation I was okay. We told re it was against our beliefs for iui and ivf, and it was a huge weight off for both of us. I just don’t understand why so many re docs want to do iui for pcos. *hugs*
Have read every word of your blog and there is no doubt in my
82 year old mind that you are a special, sensitive and wonderful
young lady! Hang in there dear.
I have PCOS too. And while it didn’t bother me that I needed medication to get pregnant with my son, there are a ton of other PCOS/pregnancy/baby-related things that got me really upset. I haven’t accomplished anything related to babies naturally. I’m getting to the point where I’m less upset and more REALLY thankful for modern science that helped me to be a mom and raise a healthy baby boy.
And now I realize that all came out more preachy than I had intended. I guess my point is that you’re not alone.i totally understand the struggle and all the emotions that go along with it. I hope that you become a mama soon!